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Archive for April, 2008

Author Scott Smith adapts his own popular 2006 novel in this unsettling and surprising horror yarn.

 THE RUINS is cut from the same “body-count-of-young -white -Americans-abroad” cloth as most teen slasher movies where they are killed off one at a time with one escaping so that there can be an even worse sequel. The big difference here is that it isn’t the offspring of a sexual relationship from Deliverance, but rather some strange vine with flowerettes that can mimic human sounds. The other thing different is that the cast does not have the clean, attractive look of the cast of Dawson’s Creek but rather a more unattractive look like the cast of Wolf Creek.

While vacationing on the Yucatan Peninsula, 20-something Americans Jeff (Jonathan Tucker), Amy (Jena Malone), Eric (Shawn Ashmore), and Stacy (Laura Ramsey), befriend German traveler Mathias (Joe Anderson), who invites them to accompany him into the jungle to meet up with his archaeologist brother at an “off the map” Mayan temple. They agree, but once they arrive, angry locals shoot one of their party and refuse to allow them to leave. The Americans and Mathias retreat to the top of the temple, only to find the archaeological camp deserted. Mathias falls into the temple and is badly injured, but that is only the beginning of their troubles, as it soon becomes apparent that the vines covering the temple are alive in a way that goes beyond normal vegetation. It may be tempting to summarize THE RUINS by saying that it’s about killer plants, but that would be undermining its strong points if there are any. The latter two thirds of the film play out like a very grim five-character stage play about survival, with large servings of death and desperation, without resorting to the fake scares that many horror films use as a crutch. The gore, while often quite nasty, is also necessary to the story, which takes on a heavy psychological component as the characters begin to fear for their lives. The movie basically sucked and the book was better.

Rating: 1 out of 5 oscarettes.

Terry (Jason Statham) owns a failing car-sales garage, and after numerous threats, he is eventually confronted by two debt-collectors who cause damage to a number of his cars. At the same time, Martine (Saffron Burrows) arrives telling Terry that she has a job for him; a plan that needs putting into motion. Terry gathers a bunch of petty-criminal friends to help execute the plan that involves robbing a bank on Baker Street, London. What they don’t know is that Martine is setting them up on behalf of MI5, who want the contents of a safe deposit box within the bank. This safe deposit box contains compromising photos of a female member of the British Royal Family (identified in the film as Princess Margaret). The photos are in a box belonging to a black militant under the name of Michael X; he uses the photos to avoid trouble with MI5, who will do anything to avoid the photos going into circulation.

Terry and his criminals purchase a shop two lots away from the bank and start digging a tunnel underneath the middle shop (a chicken fast-food restaurant) to reach the floor of the bank vault. During construction, it is revealed that the house is being watched by two MI5 officers, making sure that the bank-robbers are uninterrupted in doing their dirty work for them. However, vibrations from jackhammers arouse suspicion amongst the inhabitants of the middle building. This eventually leads to a policeman coming to the building whose basement the crooks are building a tunnel from. Terry is able to convince the policeman that all is well, and he leaves. Terry, however, is still worried, and employs a “watchman” to sit on the roof of the building opposite and keep a look out for further trouble.

This lookout is equipped with a walkie-talkie, which he uses to contact the gang building the tunnel. However, a local amateur radio operator receives the transmission, and manages to listen in on the conversation. When he realises that he’s listening to a bank robbery in progress, he calls the police, who arrive and listen in as well. The police try to determine the location of the robbers by parking an ambulance outside all the banks within a 10-mile radius of the amateur radio operator’s location, to see if the lookout reports it to the villains, but luckily the lookout drops the walkie-talkie just as the ambulance parks outside Lloyds Bank. The robbers remain undetected, even after the owner of the bank is called by the police to check for a break-in.

Meanwhile, Martine has found the deposit-box that she knows contains the photos, and opens it separate from the others claiming that its number “118” is her ‘lucky number’. Terry opens the box with her, and upon seeing the pictures knows that Martine has a hidden agenda. Other photos, meanwhile, are found which show a senior MP in compromising positions in a local brothel; the robbers pocket these with the money and other valuables, and leave. MI5 is watching and intercepts the van; the robbers have set up a decoy however; Terry hired a passer-by to drive the empty van out of the bank’s underground car park to Heathrow airport. The hoax has given the robbers a chance to escape.

In a garage nearby, they begin to rifle through the takings. Two of the six robbers leave with their share of the spoils; leaving the other four to debate. Terry confronts Martine over the photos, and how she knew their location, and she admits to having been blackmailed by MI5 after entering the UK with drugs in her suitcase. Panic sets in. The remaining robbers, including Terry and Martine, leave the garage with what they have; but events quickly turn against them.

The police start to gather evidence, and slowly begin to identify the culprits. They search the locations where they believe the robbers to be, but it appears that MI5 has reached all of the locations first, with the robbers nowhere to be seen.

Meanwhile Lew Vogel (David Suchet), a local club owner, admits to two corrupt policeman that his paying-in book (containing records of all the money he had given to them and other corrupt officers over the years) was stolen along with the contents of his safe deposit-box during the raid. He also phones Michael X to inform him that his box containing the royal ‘portraits’ has gone missing. Michael X starts to get suspicious of a female British spy, who has befriended his brother and gone with the family to Trinidad and Tobago.

The club owner manages to find one of the robbers, and tortures him for information. When he eventually tells Vogel everything, Vogel goes to the garage where Terry worked and kidnaps a mechanic, who was the lookout during the robbery, taking him to the same secret location and tying him down. At the same time, the senior MP is shown the photos of himself in the brothel, and agrees to try and help to clear the robbers’ names in return for a safe return of the photos. Terry demands passports for himself and his accomplices to leave the country, and an agreement that they will not face prosecution. Meanwhile, MI5 issues a D-Notice forbidding the press from reporting on the heist any longer. Police simultaneously release recordings from the walkie-talkie conversations, in the hope that someone will recognize the voices. These recordings are heard on the radio by Terry’s family.

The club owner goes on to shoot dead one of the robbers, around the same time as Michael X murders the British spy. MI5 make an agreement with Terry, and agree to meet him at Paddington Station in London. Terry gives the same instruction to the officer in charge of the investigation, citing knowledge of corrupt officers under his control. He also convinces the club owner to go to Paddington Station at the same time, offering him the book with details of corrupt officers in return for the safe return of his mechanic. This results in a large meeting of all of the involved parties at the same time.

Terry stands on the platform waiting for the others, while Martine meets up with her original contact within MI5 on a bridge overlooking the scene. The club owner and his corrupt police accomplices arrive with the mechanic, but recognize MI5 agents present and run. At the same time, the head of MI5 arrives (with Lord Mountbatten), handing over the documentation and passports that Terry bargained for, in return for the photos of the princess. Terry then chases the fleeing club owner and his aides. He starts to attack the club owner, and then fights with one of the aides, knocking them both out. The second aide appears with a gun, and Terry manages to avoid the shots, and knock him out with a brick hastily dislodged from a wall.

The police officer in charge of the investigation then arrives, and sees the robbers being arrested. He speaks with the MI5 officers present, who direct police to let the robbers go. When the officer approaches the car where Terry was held to ask for the bribe payout ledger, Terry agreed to hand it over in exchange of freedom. Terry and the other robbers are then released, the policeman saying “I don’t see any bank-robbers in here” upon looking in the car in which the robbers are sitting. The club owner and the corrupt officers are arrested, and the militant is arrested in Trinidad and Tobago. His house is then burnt down after orders from Tim Everett.

Excellent movie.

Rating: 5 out of 5 jalapenos

From the previews, this looked like it would be a great movie. It had all the essence of a Cohen brother “O Brother Where art Thou.” It was a good bit of directing by Clooney and there was no problem with the acting. However it was a dull and useless plot. If you are going have a flop movie, at least don’t further its sucky-ness by having the squeelly-voiced, squinty-eyed, fish-mouthed, anorexic Renee Zellwiger as the actress. Clooney was his perinneal comic self of “Oh Brother,” the Ocean’s series, etc., which made the movie palatable; however, I did get about a 20 minute nap until someone punched me for snoring. John Kazinski of The Office could make it into the big time move as he has the looks and charisma but this movie may delay his blossoming movie career. Too bad as he does have some comic potential. Renee Z would be better if she would see a speech coach and get rid of that high nasal infantile voice. It sounds like fingernails against a blackboard. This movie runs almost 2 hours. Forty-five minutes is about all it can keep your attention. I give Clooney 3 stars for effort and the movie itself for entertainment value – ZERO stars. Or as Entertainment Weekly would say – F.

I don’t know why this movie got panned so by the critics. I thought it was great. A little bit of Indian mythology. The storyline was crisp, the cinematography well done, the special effects not over done and eventhough a few of your favorite characters were lost along the way, the ending left you feeling good. A satisfying movie. It sort of reminded my, theme wise, of Apocalypto, except in English. The same sort of basic premise with a little less brutality. I actually highly recommend this one.

Another Will Ferrell toilet humor movie. I can’t figure out why people think seeing his fat, hairy body and him running around in his underwear is funny. In most of his movies now he takes the slapstick too far. Of course you have the young teenagers who get their parents to take them to see his movies so they can giggle at the poorly disguised sexual inuendos, numerous F-bombs, and over the top toilet humor. If you are going to see this move, take some neighborhood kids. Watching them react will be better than the movie.

I knew something was wrong when the trailers looked good and they showed them for months before the movie opened. Even TV ads overplayed the trailer. With such an amazing cast you would think they could come up with a better movie or at least better editing. The concept was novel; however, after seeing the same segment scene for seven times with no significant revelations as it progressed but they time the got to the las one which was the “punch line” of the movie, you were already bored to tears or had left the movie early. What a waste of a good cast. My guess is they spent more on ads than it cost to make the movie. My guess is this one will be written up as a tax loss for the production company.

This is a movie based on the Upton Sinclair novel, Oil. It is the story of one man’s greed and how he manipulates everything and everyone to get what he ultimately wants. The whole movie (2 hours +) centers on the single towering main character played by Daniel Day-Lewis and it is no wonder he won the oscar for this performance. His character does remind you of the one he played in Gangs of New York, except this one is pure greed and evil. Another interesting aspect of this movie is the soundtrack which heightens the drama of each scene. Because of its enhancement of each scene, you don’t really notice it unless you think about it. This is pure, unadulterated cinema. The scene outlays, the cinematography, sound, editing, and acting are outstanding. This is not dull witted entertainment but a real cinematic experience. Minimal violence, except at the end. How that second rate No Country for Old Men beat this movie out for Best Picture is beyond me.

So how does a broody Vietnam vet with a long-term case of post-traumatic stress disorder keep busy in the backwaters of Thailand for 20 years between Rambo III and the sequel called just plain Rambo? Judging from the appearance of Sylvester Stallone, who co-wrote, directed, and stars in the hell-with-it-all bloody fourth run of the stomping action franchise, John James Rambo at 61 has kept fit via a regular regimen of wrangling poisonous snakes, running a longboat, and keeping his head bandannas clean. Unfortunately, that quiet life is interrupted by a party of howlingly naïve Christian missionaries and medics from Colorado who request Rambo’s navigational services. The do-gooders are headed upriver to assist ethnic Karen refugees in Burma (apparently no one’s told Rambo that the country’s called Myanmar now), underdogs who have been fighting a brutal civil war with the ruling military junta for 60 years. The fools have chosen a profoundly dangerous route, of course, as befits any war pic involving the word ”upriver.” It’s a given that Rambo will initially say no, followed by grrr. Also a given is the capture of the hapless missionaries, the arrival of a search party of colorful mercenaries, and Rambo’s mournful decision to blow all of Burma to hell to rescue the hopeless lot of them — mercenaries and missionaries alike. Baby-stabbing, decapitation, gang rape, and rivers of blood: Rambo is up to its boot tops in numbing violence. The brutality, tough enough to take, would be intolerable if Stallone didn’t toss the movie like a cant-clearing grenade at notions of stay-the-course righteousness. Rambo teaches that fighting sucks, good intentions can be futile, and coalitions of the willing are a charade: A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Sometimes that means tying on the old bandanna to hack one’s way out of the Hollywood jungle so disorienting to aging action stars. I apologize for the lengthy plaigerized review out of EW, but this was actually a great movie. EW even gave it a B-. I haven’t seen this many flying body parts since the introduction to Saving Private Ryan. It’s the typical Rambo movie we have all come to know and love and don’t worry about the dialog from Stallone – he may have uttered 10 words during the whole movie. One can only hope for another sequel to this. It is certainly a franchise that to me is better than Freddie Krueger.

An enormous treasure of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds is at the bottom of the ocean, and the recently split-up couple Tess and Ben Finnegan (Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson) think they know where it is. Doing research in a dark and cavernous room provides just the spice they need to hook up again. This is a quasi love story that takes snippets from National Treasure and the old Goldie Hawn movie, Overboard. Anyway, since the plot is basically the same as National Treasure regarding clues and finding lots of gold with the bad guys on your heels, my guess is that the producers and director figured they would sell he movie with Matthew MCConaughey running around most of the time barefooted, in shorts, and no shirt. Go figure. The movie has its bit of love-hate humor between the divorced couple who, of course, get back together in the end. It’s always good to have some villian chasing you when you are looking for a treasure as well. Watchable, but matinee fodder only. Better still, wait til you can get it from NetFlix or RedBox.

This is saw with technology. Someone is snatching people and killing them on the internet. The gimmick is that whatever cruel methodology is used for each of the killings makes it faster as more and more people log in to see it. I am always amazed at the gruesome ways that can be devised to mutilate, maim, and kill people in movies. Anyway, the cybercrime division, most of whose activity was focused on sex offenders picks up on this one. One of their own, who was figured out the possible killer and motive gets his in a tank of acid. Diane Lane, who is the obvious single mom heroine gets kidnapped and is supposed to be the next victim, but all works well in the end and the cyber killer gets his just deserts. Watchable, relatively predictable, mindless, sufficient gratuitous gore, although another couple of victims would have been good. Not for the timid.