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Archive for June, 2008

Wanted is a six-issue creator-owned comic book miniseries, written by Mark Millar with art by J. G. Jones. It was published by Top Cow in 2003 and 2004 as part of Millarworld.^[1] It features an amoral protagonist who discovers he is the heir to a career as a super-villainous assassin in a world where such villains have secretly taken control of the planet.

The premise of Wanted is that all the world’s super-villains decided to band together in 1986 and use their vast collective powers — including mad science, magic and mind control — to eliminate all the world’s superheroes and rewrite reality in their own dark image. Prior to this the world was a brighter, more hopeful place. Superheroes are remembered as fiction (as they are in the real world), and behind the scenes a cabal of the leading super-villains runs the entire world. 25-year-old Wes was the most disaffected, cube-dwelling drone the planet had ever known. His boss chewed him out hourly, his girlfriend ignored him routinely and his life plodded on interminably. Everyone was certain this disengaged slacker would amount to nothing. There was little else for Wes to do but wile away the days and die in his slow, clock-punching rut. Until he met a woman named Fox. After his estranged father is murdered, the deadly sexy Fox recruits Wes into the Fraternity, a secret society that trains Wes to avenge his dad’s death by unlocking his dormant powers. As she teaches him how to develop lightning-quick reflexes and phenomenal agility, Wes discovers this team lives by an ancient, unbreakable code: carry out the death orders given by fate itself. With wickedly brilliant tutors–including the Fraternity’s enigmatic leader, Sloan–Wes grows to enjoy all the strength he ever wanted. But, slowly, he begins to realize there is more to his dangerous associates than meets the eye. And as he wavers between newfound heroism and vengeance, Wes will come to learn what no one could ever teach him: he alone controls his destiny.

This is a pretty decent action movie with some good special effects. Another opportunity for Angelina Jolie to have her body tattooed and to be macho like Lara Croft. Probably the worst of the movie is James McAvoy, who has at least “buffed” up to play the part like Toby McGuire for Spiderman. As far as his acting, this may be the best yet, although he has only a bit better acting skills than Hayden Christensen. He does well in the wimp aspect, but as the “hero” he is much lacking. He needs to get a haircut that doesn’t make his head look flat and if I had that much space between all my teeth, I would have them all crowned or pulled and replaced with dentures. Every time he opened his mouth it looked like a picket fence.

Anyway, it was still an ok movie, plenty of action and plenty of blood, gore and guts. A couple of plot twists also keeps you on your toes. I hope there is a sequel, at least to the movie – get a replacement for McAvoy.

25-year-old Wes was the most disaffected, cube-dwelling drone the planet had ever known. His boss chewed him out hourly, his girlfriend ignored him routinely and his life plodded on interminably. Everyone was certain this disengaged slacker would amount to nothing. There was little else for Wes to do but wile away the days and die in his slow, clock-punching rut. Until he met a woman named Fox. After his estranged father is murdered, the deadly sexy Fox recruits Wes into the Fraternity, a secret society that trains Wes to avenge his dad’s death by unlocking his dormant powers. As she teaches him how to develop lightning-quick reflexes and phenomenal agility, Wes discovers this team lives by an ancient, unbreakable code: carry out the death orders given by fate itself. With wickedly brilliant tutors–including the Fraternity’s enigmatic leader, Sloan–Wes grows to enjoy all the strength he ever wanted. But, slowly, he begins to realize there is more to his dangerous associates than meets the eye. And as he wavers between newfound heroism and vengeance, Wes will come to learn what no one could ever teach him: he alone controls his destiny.

Rating: 4.2 out of 5 Jalapenos

The movie is inspired by an event from director Bryan Bertino’s childhood, among other things. The screenplay is also inspired by the events of the Charles Manson murders. Some of the earlier disturbances, (such as the smoke detector being moved), are based on ‘creepy crawling’, a game played by Manson and his followers where they would enter a victims house at night and rearrange furniture and other objects while the occupants slept. The core of the story is based on the murders that took place in Cabin #28 at Keddie Resort, in the remote township of Keddie, CA, where three people, Sue Sharp, John Sharp and Dana Wingate; were found tied up, stabbed, bludgeoned by a hammer. A fourth victim, Tina Sharp who had been with the group was found some years later, the body dumped 90 miles away at Feather Falls near Oroville.

The story begins with Kristen McKay and James Hoyt, a couple who return to James’ father’s isolated summer home in South Carolina, after coming back from a wedding reception, where we learn that Kristen refused James’ marriage proposal. The home is covered in rose petals and candles, indicating that James had planned a romantic dinner with the expectation that Kristen would accept his proposal. After the awkward arrival at the house, James calls his friend Mike (who helped him set up the whole vacation) and asks him to pick him up in the morning. The couple discuss their relationship, which results in a passionate clinch. Their passion is interrupted by a loud knock at the front door. James thinks it’s too late for someone to be coming to his home. As they get closer to answering the door, the knocking becomes louder and more abrupt.

James opens the door, and find that is a young woman (which we later find out is Dollface) who is asking if Tamara is home. James tries to turn on the porch light, but it was not working, not revealing her face. They tell her that nobody with that name lives there, and she then walks away. Kristen believed that she was probably lost. Kristen then finds that she is out of cigarettes, and James leaves the house to go and buy her another pack, after lighting her a fire.

After James leaves the house, Kristen hears another knock at the door. She finds it to be the same girl who knocked on the door prior to James leaving. The knocking is very aggressive, and Kristen becomes scared. She gets her cell phone out of her purse, but realizes it has no battery life. She charges it, then uses the house phone. She calls James, and tells him that the girl keeps knocking on the door, after Kristen told her she had already come by their house. Kristen wants James to stay on the phone with her, but James hangs up. While Kristen is in the kitchen, the masked man is in the dark corner behind her, just watching her. Kristen then hears the smoke alarm go off, so the disconnects it, and tosses it onto the ground. She decides to call James yet again, and finds that someone had cut the cord to her charger.

Frightened, she goes to the kitchen and gets a knife. She goes back into the room, and now finds that someone had put the broken smoke alarm on a chair. She goes into the next room, and hears something at the window. She slowly opens it and the masked man is at the window, and she is frightened. She screams and bumps into the record player, causing it to skip the same line “Quick Silver Girl” over and over again. Kristen finds that the front door is open, and as she peeks out, Dollface is trying to break in, but Kristen closes the door, then hides in the bedroom. The strangers are banging on the doors and windows, and Kristen pleads for them to leave her alone. Then, the banging stops. She hears footsteps coming from down the hall, and believes in to be the killer, but it’s James. She’s tells James that there’s someone outside, but James claims he saw nothing.

James then notices his phone was left in the car, and he goes to get it. While in the car, he finds that his phone is gone, and someone touches his back. He turns around, and there is nobody behind him. He gets out of the car, and he notices Dollface is standing in the driveway. He tells her to leave, but then hears Kristen call him. By then, Dollface has disappeared. After going inside, James tells Kristen they need to leave. They both get into the car, but a truck drives into their driveway behind them. James looks at the driver’s seat, and it’s Pin-Up Girl. She begins ramming their car, and Kristen spots the masked man in front of them. They both get out of the car, and run back inside.

James gets his father’s shotgun and bullets. Outside, they see Dollface standing on the lawn. They go back to the front door, and James tells Kristen he’s going to open the door, and he wants her to just run. But before James can open the door, the masked man hacks the door with an axe. Kristen is screaming, and they both push a desk to block the door. The masked man keeps on breaking the door, but James shoots at him. He did not know if he missed or if he got him, but the couple hide in the hallway closet, waiting for the killers to come down the hall so he can shoot them.

Outside, James’ friend Mike has arrived. He can’t reach either of the two by phone. Mike enters the house, and a record is playing. He also notices a broken glass on the floor and a few signs of forced entry. He walks down the hallway, and the masked man who is equipped with an axe, follows behind him. James, believing Mike to be the killer, shoots and kills Mike. James turns to Kristen, and tells her that he wasn’t wearing a mask. They go up to the body, and identify it to be Mike. James then decides to go to the farmhouse and use and old radio there to call for help. As he leaves, the couple notice that the killers mock James by writing “KILLER” on the window in blood.

As James is going to the farmhouse, he then finds Pin-Up Girl searching for the couple with a flashlight. As James plans to take his shot on her, she spots him and the masked man runs up behind him, and knocks him unconscious. Meanwhile, Kristen is scared out of the house. In an attempt to simply run away, she trips and injures her leg. She limps into the shed nearby, (which actually turns out to be the hiding spot of the killers) being secretly followed by Pin-Up Girl. Kristen attempts to use a radio there, but her conversation is cut short by Pin-Up Girl, chopping the radio into pieces. Kristen flees back into the house and sees the masked man walk into the bedroom. She then hides in the cupboard and watches the masked man sit down at the table and look around. As she is doing this, Dollface whispers “You’re gonna die.” The masked man then throws James’ injured body into the house, and he tells Kristen to run. She goes into the bedroom, and tries opening the window, but it’s shut. The bedroom door slowly opens, and Kristen slowly walks to the door. She goes out, and the masked man grabs her by her hair, and slams her face into a picture on the wall. He then drags her unconscious body into the living room.

The shades are opened to show that morning has come, and the three strangers begin taking off their masks. Kristen, in a desperate attempt to be saved, tells them that ‘they don’t have to do this.’ She then asks them why they did it, to which Dollface replied “Because you were home,” which remains unexplained. A possible meaning would be that the strangers just kill for the fun of it.

Although their faces are never fully revealed to the audience, removing their masks shows that they will soon carry out their plans to kill the couple.

Ignoring Kristen’s pleading, the strangers each take turns stabbing James in the stomach, who moans in pain while Kristen is forced to watch. Kristen is then stabbed in the chest and shots of their home and the outdoors are shown while her screams can be heard. The three strangers are then seen driving away in a pick-up truck and stop beside two boys who are walking around handing out religious pamphlets. Dollface asks for a pamphlet and is asked if she is a sinner, to which she replies, “Sometimes”. Pin-Up Girl then proclaims, “It’ll be easier, next time”, as the truck drives off.

The last scene shows the two boys entering the home and discovering the couple untied and James dead, with Kristen presumed dead. One of the boys kneels down to Kristen and is about to touch her when she suddenly wakes up and begins screaming hysterically.

The movie was reminiscent of Vacancy, Funny Games, and When a Stranger Calls (and the other “home invasion” genre movies). This is obviously a psychological thriller as well as a horror movie. You know from the beginning things won’t end well and as the movie progresses, you wish the plot would move a bit faster. I think you could get the same effect, or maybe intensify it a bit, if the movie has been cut 20-30 minutes. Even from the trailer ads, you know that the outcome will not be good, so you just wonder if they can make it gory, diabolical, sadistic, and right down scary. Well, this one did elicit many jumps and even a few screams from an unsuspecting (albeit stupid) audience. Probably the scariest thing is that this was based on true events and anyone that keeps up with the news knows that such things as this are happening with increasing frequency. Buy a gun, keep your doors locked, put a peep-hole in your entrance doors, and preferably ignore anyone knocking on your door late at night. Oh, yes, one other thing, keep your cell phone charged.

Rating: 2.5 our of 5 Jalapenos

The Tattooist is a New Zealand film directed by Peter Burger and starring American actor Jason Behr (who you may remember from the TV Series, Roswell) and New Zealand actors Nathaniel Lees, Michael Hurst and Robbie Magasiva among others. The film is the first in a series of official co-productions between New Zealand and Singapore,^[1]and was released on August 30, 2007. ^[2]

The film is described as a supernatural thriller in which American tattoo artist Jake Sawyer (Behr) is a global wanderer who explores ethnic themes in his designs. While he is in New Zealand he unknowingly plays a role in releasing a deadly spirit as he attempts to learn tatau, the Samoan tradition of tattooing.

An interesting plot, rather off-beat movie, not a big budget but pretty well done. Worth a rental.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Jalapenos.

The Love guru is a comedy movie casting Jessica Alba(as Jane Bullard) and Mike Myers(guru pitka) on lead. Jessica plays the role of the owner of maple leafs toronto and mike as a a non residential american who was raised by a group of indian gurus.

The story advances as guru pitka returns to america to break into a self-help business. He faces a series of challenges which are romantic and comic. Justin Timberlake also plays a very significant role of Jacques Grand.

The Love Guru received negative reviews from critics. As of June 21, 2008, the review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reported that 15% of critics gave the film positive reviews, based on 49 reviews — with the consensus that the film “features far too many gross-out gags, and too few earned laughs, ranking as one of Mike Myers’ poorest outings.” Metacritic reported the film had an average score of 23 out of 100, based on 25 reviews.^[8] The movie received an average score of 40.3% from 54 film critics according to Movie Tab.

Jay Stone of the National Post gave the film one star and said the film “is shockingly crass, sloppy, repetitive and thin.” Stone said “Chopra is used almost as a product placement, taking a proud spot alongside a circus, a brand of cinnamon buns, the Leafs and, of course, Mike Myers.” Stone also wrote, “the sitar-based versions of pop songs like 9 to 5 are oddly watchable – but mostly the film is 88 minutes of ridiculous sight gags and obscene puns.”

A. O. Scott of The New York Times wrote “The word ‘unfunny’ surely applies to Mr. Myers’s obnoxious attempts to find mirth in physical and cultural differences but does not quite capture the strenuous unpleasantness of his performance. No, The Love Guru is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.”

The movie has a few funny gags but most are over done and banal. Most attempts at humor were ruined by unnecessary crudeness. I guess if you liked Austin Powers you might like this movie. For me, this is the last movie with Mike Myers I will ever go see. While he was a respectable talent on SNL, in my estimation he has landed in the crapper.

Rating: 0 out of 5 Jalapenos

The latest from M. Night Shyamalan.

In the northeast part of America, people suddenly begin committing suicide en masse. First they become disoriented, then stop moving, and finally find the quickest way to kill themselves. The pandemic begins in parks, and quickly spreads to nearby population centers. It is initially believed to be a bioterrorist attack, but this is ruled out as the events increase in frequency.

Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) is a science teacher in Philadelphia. After the school is informed of the pandemic, he decides to leave the city with his wife, Alma Moore (Zooey Deschanel), and his fellow math teacher, Julian (John Leguizamo), who is also bringing his eight-year-old daughter, Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez). The train soon stops at a small town in western Pennsylvania; train services are discontinued after the crew loses contact with “everyone.” Julian finds out that the “attacks” have hit Princeton, where his wife is currently headed, and leaves Jess with Elliot while he hitches a ride in an attempt to retrieve her. However, it has already been hit by the pandemic, and a hole in the car’s roof exposes them.

Meanwhile, Elliot, Alma, and Jess manage to hitchhike with a botanist and his wife; the man explains his theory that plants are attacking people as a defense mechanism. He elaborates on the complex mechanisms that often seem to appear spontaneously, involving strategies such as attracting predators to kill off specific threats and fostering communication between different species of plants. As they drive, they find themselves surrounded on all sides by affected towns. A number of other cars arrive in the same location. A soldier, Private First Class Auster, suggests moving away from the population centers on foot to avoid any attacks, as the pandemic has been occurring in smaller and smaller populations.

The group of survivors splits into two, with Elliot, Alma, and Jess in a smaller group. Auster’s group is struck by the pandemic within earshot of Elliot, and he concludes that it is likely caused by an airborne neurotoxin exuded by the surrounding plants. The larger the group of people, the more likely it is to trigger the defense mechanism. Elliot makes the group split into three smaller ones with Elliot, Alma, Jess, and two teenage boys staying together.

While looking for food for Jess, Elliot’s group finds a boarded up house with survivors inside, still believing the pandemic to be a terrorist attack. They are unwilling to open the doors. When the two teenage boys begin to aggressively force an entry, they are shot dead. Elliot’s group is forced to leave. They make their way to the house of an elderly woman, who lives in complete isolation; thus, she is ignorant of the pandemic. Though she allows them to stay, she proves to be a harsh host and a paranoid woman once she sees Elliot “eyeing her lemon drink”. In the morning, Elliot finds himself alone; going downstairs, he hears the voices of Alma and Jess but cannot find them. He inadvertently enters the old woman’s room and she angrily insists that they leave immediately.

The woman storms out of the house into the garden, where she is affected by the neurotoxin. Realizing that the defense mechanism has become even more sensitive, Elliot locks himself inside the house. Elliot finds himself in a room where he can hear Alma and Jess. He finds a speaking tube, which leads to a shed outside the house. Conversing with his wife, he says that he would want nothing more than to be with her. They relinquish themselves to their fate, but the neurotoxin doesn’t affect them: the pandemic is over.

Three months later, Elliot and Alma have adjusted to a new life with Jess as their adopted daughter. On television, an environmentalist warns that the pandemic may only have been a warning, like a rash that precedes an infection. Elliot takes Jess to the bus stop for the first day of school while Alma stays at home, timing a home pregnancy test. When he returns, Alma greets him with a smile, and they embrace. In the Jardin des Tuileries in Paris, the pandemic appears to happen once again as everyone in sight suddenly stops moving as the wind suddenly moves the trees.

Now that the plot has been exposed, you may want to save yourself the price of admission and wait for it to come to HBO or even network TV. The movie clocks in at one hour and 28 minutes. The cinematography must have been low bid and certainly contributes to this being another flop. It is a much better plot line than seen in The Village, but like The Village, the essence of the plot is exposed early and then you are just bored. What was up with Zooey Deschanel? Did he force her to be “doe-eyed” to the point of almost being Marty Feldmanesque with exopthalmos? At least Feldman has a medical explanation. Also with her useless dialog and almost autistic acting, she should have been blonde. Of course, the entire dialog was more suited for a Sylvester Stallone movie. In fact, this movie may have played better with simply a good musical score and no dialog and only an occasional superscript. Being a fan of Shyalaman’s earlier works, such as Unbreakable, he continues to disappoint. Maybe if he got over his fear of going more than 50 miles from home his movie’s would improve.

Rating: 1 out of 5 Jalapenos.

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan  was written by Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel and was directed by Dennis Dugan. Sandler’s production company Happy Madison produced the film, and Sony Pictures Entertainment distributed it. The movie stars Adam Sandler as Zohan Dvir, an Israeli anti-terrorism commando, who fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York.

The movie begins with Zohan on vacation and partying on a beach in Israel, attracting several women and capturing the attention of every beach-goer with his Hacky Sack prowess. He cooks fish in the nude (using copious amounts of hummus) for himself, his friend and several women. As he finishes cooking, an Israeli Army helicopter arrives, stealing him away from his presumed well-earned vacation.

During a subsequent briefing, Zohan expresses his displeasure about being held by the Israeli Defence Forces for too long. After being haggled by his officer, he eventually agrees to do yet another mission of recapturing a key Palestinian terrorist, the “Phantom” (John Turturro), who had been freed by the Israeli government in exchange for a captured Mossad agent, plus an additional “to-be-named-later” spy. Later, as Zohan expresses his desire to leave Israel and become a hairdresser in New York City, his wishes are met with laughter by his mother and father, who had fought in the Israel’s Six-Day War.

The disgruntled Zohan fakes his own death during the pursuit of the Phantom, who is tricked into believing he had killed Zohan. Zohan smuggles himself into a flight to New York City in a pet crate of two dogs named Scrappy and Coco. Changing his hairstyle into a 1980s Paul Mitchell style and taking “Scrappy Coco” as a new moniker, he sets out to pursue his dreams in the Big Apple.

Initially unsuccessful in getting hired at an upscale Paul Mitchell salon (as well as an African-American salon and a children’s salon), Zohan’s military expertise and passion for 1970s disco has earned him a new friend, Michael (Nick Swardson), who gives him a place to stay. Michael later regrets the decision as he is forced to endure Zohan’s disturbing sexual activities with Michael’s mother, Gail (Lainie Kazan). Zohan also runs into a fellow Israeli named Uri, a Zohan fan who is aware of Scrappy Coco’s true identity but agrees to keep it a secret. Uri introduces him to a block in lower Manhattan filled with middle-eastern Americans, who are split between a Palestinian side and an Israeli side of the street.

Zohan attempts to land a job in a struggling salon of a Palestinian woman named Dhalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). After succumbing to Zohan’s pleas to sweep floors for free, she eventually allows Zohan be a stylist after he pleases a senior lady with satisfactory haircut and a back room service. Zohan’s reputation spreads instantly among the elder women of lower Manhattan, who comment that “besides the sex, he gives a pretty good haircut.” Dhalia’s business booms, upsetting Walbridge, a corporate magnate who has been trying to forcibly gentrify the block.

Eventually Zohan is identified by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider), whom Zohan had bullied in the past. Salim tries to enact his revenge by building a makeshift “explosives” or utility bombs/bomb shells. Thinking that he needs “chemicals,” Salim walks into a pharmacy and tries to ask for nitroglycerin. Hearing Salim’s mispronunciation, the pharmacist instead presents Salim with Neosporin. Seeing that the neosporin doesn’t destroy Zohan’s workplace, Salim then informs Phantom, now a successful fast-food chain owner. Phantom then pays a visit to New York to hunt Zohan down.

In the meanwhile, Zohan realized that he fell in love with Dhalia when he discovered that he lost the ability to physically please the old ladies. Dhalia rejected Zohan’s feelings for her, since he is an Israeli counter-terrorist operative. Zohan decided to leave Dhalia, but as he is confronting Phantom, news of the middle-eastern block being attacked by redneck gangsters steals him away, and as he and Phantom are working together to save the block, they discover that Dhalia is a sister of Phantom – or “Fattoush” as she calls him. The Israelis and the Palestinians of the block band together to save their shops, defeating the redneck gangsters. As it turns out, the rednecks were hired by Walbridge to instigate an inter-ethnic riot in order to kick out the Middle Eastern residents, thereby allowing him to build his mall.

With the Israelis and the Palestinians united, the block is transformed into a collectively-owned mall, in which Zohan and Dhalia realized their dream in opening a beauty parlor. The Phantom also fulfills his lifelong passion of opening up a shoe store. The movie ends happily as Zohan’s parents approved of his Palestinian wife and hair salon, becoming customers themselves in a surprise visit.

The movie is filled with typical Sandler crudeness and toilet humor. Although it didn’t get good reviews and Kung Fu Panda kicked Zohan’s rear end, it still had enough laughs to make it good matinee fodder.

Rating: 3.5 our of 5 Jalapenos.