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You Don’t Mess with the Zohan  was written by Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel and was directed by Dennis Dugan. Sandler’s production company Happy Madison produced the film, and Sony Pictures Entertainment distributed it. The movie stars Adam Sandler as Zohan Dvir, an Israeli anti-terrorism commando, who fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York.

The movie begins with Zohan on vacation and partying on a beach in Israel, attracting several women and capturing the attention of every beach-goer with his Hacky Sack prowess. He cooks fish in the nude (using copious amounts of hummus) for himself, his friend and several women. As he finishes cooking, an Israeli Army helicopter arrives, stealing him away from his presumed well-earned vacation.

During a subsequent briefing, Zohan expresses his displeasure about being held by the Israeli Defence Forces for too long. After being haggled by his officer, he eventually agrees to do yet another mission of recapturing a key Palestinian terrorist, the “Phantom” (John Turturro), who had been freed by the Israeli government in exchange for a captured Mossad agent, plus an additional “to-be-named-later” spy. Later, as Zohan expresses his desire to leave Israel and become a hairdresser in New York City, his wishes are met with laughter by his mother and father, who had fought in the Israel’s Six-Day War.

The disgruntled Zohan fakes his own death during the pursuit of the Phantom, who is tricked into believing he had killed Zohan. Zohan smuggles himself into a flight to New York City in a pet crate of two dogs named Scrappy and Coco. Changing his hairstyle into a 1980s Paul Mitchell style and taking “Scrappy Coco” as a new moniker, he sets out to pursue his dreams in the Big Apple.

Initially unsuccessful in getting hired at an upscale Paul Mitchell salon (as well as an African-American salon and a children’s salon), Zohan’s military expertise and passion for 1970s disco has earned him a new friend, Michael (Nick Swardson), who gives him a place to stay. Michael later regrets the decision as he is forced to endure Zohan’s disturbing sexual activities with Michael’s mother, Gail (Lainie Kazan). Zohan also runs into a fellow Israeli named Uri, a Zohan fan who is aware of Scrappy Coco’s true identity but agrees to keep it a secret. Uri introduces him to a block in lower Manhattan filled with middle-eastern Americans, who are split between a Palestinian side and an Israeli side of the street.

Zohan attempts to land a job in a struggling salon of a Palestinian woman named Dhalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). After succumbing to Zohan’s pleas to sweep floors for free, she eventually allows Zohan be a stylist after he pleases a senior lady with satisfactory haircut and a back room service. Zohan’s reputation spreads instantly among the elder women of lower Manhattan, who comment that “besides the sex, he gives a pretty good haircut.” Dhalia’s business booms, upsetting Walbridge, a corporate magnate who has been trying to forcibly gentrify the block.

Eventually Zohan is identified by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider), whom Zohan had bullied in the past. Salim tries to enact his revenge by building a makeshift “explosives” or utility bombs/bomb shells. Thinking that he needs “chemicals,” Salim walks into a pharmacy and tries to ask for nitroglycerin. Hearing Salim’s mispronunciation, the pharmacist instead presents Salim with Neosporin. Seeing that the neosporin doesn’t destroy Zohan’s workplace, Salim then informs Phantom, now a successful fast-food chain owner. Phantom then pays a visit to New York to hunt Zohan down.

In the meanwhile, Zohan realized that he fell in love with Dhalia when he discovered that he lost the ability to physically please the old ladies. Dhalia rejected Zohan’s feelings for her, since he is an Israeli counter-terrorist operative. Zohan decided to leave Dhalia, but as he is confronting Phantom, news of the middle-eastern block being attacked by redneck gangsters steals him away, and as he and Phantom are working together to save the block, they discover that Dhalia is a sister of Phantom – or “Fattoush” as she calls him. The Israelis and the Palestinians of the block band together to save their shops, defeating the redneck gangsters. As it turns out, the rednecks were hired by Walbridge to instigate an inter-ethnic riot in order to kick out the Middle Eastern residents, thereby allowing him to build his mall.

With the Israelis and the Palestinians united, the block is transformed into a collectively-owned mall, in which Zohan and Dhalia realized their dream in opening a beauty parlor. The Phantom also fulfills his lifelong passion of opening up a shoe store. The movie ends happily as Zohan’s parents approved of his Palestinian wife and hair salon, becoming customers themselves in a surprise visit.

The movie is filled with typical Sandler crudeness and toilet humor. Although it didn’t get good reviews and Kung Fu Panda kicked Zohan’s rear end, it still had enough laughs to make it good matinee fodder.

Rating: 3.5 our of 5 Jalapenos.